Taboo dayPublished: Saturday 22 May 2021 | Edited: Saturday 22 May 2021
We've been talking a lot about penises today at my house. Technically, we've been talking a little bit about it at home and a little bit about it at Home Depot.
At one point this morning, we were all four of us naked in a bathroom getting showered off and ready for a 9:30 joint pediatric appointment for the girls. Our three-year-old asked me
Daddy, what's on you bulba?
She meant "vulva."
That's not a vulva, dear. That's a penis.
Uh-huh. A penis.
So then, the rest of the day was a few pop quizzes from me about who and what was more likely to have a P or a V. Turns out this MF has a dick, according to my 3yo daughter:
I fucking love Daniel Tiger. I've been consuming children's programming for about two years now, and DT is the GOAT | Image attribution | More info
Anyway, we spent a lot of daddy/daughter time buying materials for landscaping and building a new chicken coop. While we were out, we picked up some steer manure to set up our garden. As I was loading bags onto the cart, I said
Hey, this is cow poop. We'll use it to make our plants grow.
She thought on it. Once we got to the register, the 3yo shouted out at the cashier (who was a retirement-aged woman)
It's poop. It's cow poop!
The cashier, with a shy smile, was like
Oh, yeah? Well that's gonna help your garden a bunch.
Our 3yo then asked
You hab a bulba?
Luckily the term was uncommon enough and my daughter says it poorly enough that we didn't really have to face the full weight of that question with a stranger. We left with a laugh and loaded up the shit.